Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Get Into The Groove

Monte is home! Hallelujah! I'm so excited! Yay!

Let the re-acclimation begin.

First off, let me just say that Monte is the most amazing father and husband I could ever ask for. He's putting up with my crazy antics one minute, and having tea time with the girls and their Barbie dolls in the next. Massaging my shoulders on a moments notice, and then he's strapping a baby on him in a carrier, so I can feed the other one- he's a great man! Only, it always takes him just a few days to get back into the swing of things. Being out on tour is a whole 'nother world from our Dora Explorin', mini-van driving, suburbia, and I try to keep that in mind every time.

Depending on who he was on tour with, he always comes home with almost an entire new wardrobe that corresponds almost directly with the artist he just worked with, and/or the people around him or her. Like, last time he was on tour with Madonna, he came home with very strict rules about brand-mixing. For example, he wouldn't wear Nike shoes with Adidas socks, a fashion tip learned from the dancers, no doubt. This time, he showed up not only with smudged black eyeliner and a trace of glitter from previous night's London show, he was also wearing skinny jeans tucked into boots. Skinny jeans. On my husband. And NEW boots, I might add. Boots that look exactly like two other pairs that he has in our tiny, overstuffed closet. When I nag him about why he bought new boots that look exactly like the other two pairs, he says "It was cold in Sweden, I needed boots." That is also the same explanation he gives when I ask why he bought new sweaters, scarves, hats and jackets. How long does he really think he can keep playing the "I didn't know how cold it was going to be in Northern Europe in winter" card? He does this absolutely every time. Nice ploy... but, I'm on to you, honey!

Can we talk coffee mugs? The man can't help himself- he must buy coffee mugs in every city and country he visits- and he's been to a lot of cities and countries . I admit, I should take some responsibility for this because when we first met, he had never had a cup of coffee in his life. I turned him into a coffee fiend and now he has a mug from just about every place in the world- Jerusalem, Moscow, London, Tokyo- I have giant tupperware containers of them in the attic because they no longer fit in the kitchen cupboards. I've asked him to move on to magnets or Christmas ornaments or anything else, but sure enough, he came home with (only) 4 coffee mugs this trip.

I think I need to have a talk with him about shower time. On tour, the man can sleep, shower and eat almost whenever he pleases (he will claim the opposite to be true)- I should at least try to be a little understanding of his naivety. The poor dear was away for 6 months, after all. Maybe I should practice here: "Monte, I love you very much, but when you disappear without notice, only for us to discover that you've been in the shower for 30 minutes... it makes me want to spike your coffee with cat pee." How's that?

Another thing is when he asks where random things, that I never knew even existed, have gone.

Him: "Where's that ginger tea that I got in Singapore?"

Me: "Ummm... you went to Singapore 6 months ago."

Him: "Yeah, I know... so, where is my ginger tea?"

Me: "Did I know you got ginger tea? Are you kidding? Check under the couch. While you're at it, let me know if you find my pre-pregnancy body."


  1. You are a RIOT!!! Thank you for sharing your zany world with us. It's completely endearing and daft - in the most complimentary way. Hugs!

  2. This is hillarious! This line in particular:
    "How long does he really think he can keep playing the "I didn't know how cold it was going to be in Northern Europe in winter" card? He does this absolutely every time. Nice ploy... but, I'm on to you, honey!"

    I mean really... they need to either figure out to pack the dang sweaters and stuff or wise up that we know that they left them home so they could go shopping. (Okay, not married to a musician, but my hubby can be equally silly some days too)

    I adore your writing, please dont ever stop!

  3. Awww Monte is great but he is a man, which puts him at a disadvantage. lol I can relate to SO much of this, including the collection of "things" and the expectation that my brain is a catalog of everything we own!
    I LOVE that pic of you and Monte!

  4. My husband is also a musician who travels a lot, and when he brings home useless loot, I remind myself I have something many women would kill for: a man who loves to shop.

    That said, it may be time to spark the entrepreneurial spirit in your older girls and set them up with their own eBay store to sell dad's coffee mugs of yesteryear. Or come up with some ingenious craft projects. One year for Christmas I gave all the children within gifting distance a bag of narcissus bulbs, white marble chips and a chipped coffee mug to plant them in...

  5. Glitter and skinny jeans. Gawd, I love you guys! Laugh together...stay together!

  6. You always make me laugh out loud. You're a very understanding woman! LOL

  7. This is absolutely hilarious. Magnets and Christmas ornaments that's what I would of done. Magnets are practical and they work nicely on those projcects the girls bring home from school. Ornaments are nice cause you use them once a year on the tree and they are nice memories to have. Yeah you can only have so many coffee mugs. I am however all about souvenirs on trips though.

  8. Oh Lisa you crack me up.
    i love your Blog .it is real tangible.not all Hollywood
    It is so fun i can totally relate to all of it .well the you and Monte parts.since i been married 35 yrs.
    but minus the baseball team of kids you have .
    i still can relate to the Feeling...and that is to me the best thing ever.


  9. Thank you for sharing. This made my otherwise boring day hilarious!

  10. Definitely laughed out loud!! Haha.

  11. I absolutely love you, Lisa! Monte's all serious and 'big brotherly' on stage, it's so fun to 'see' what he's like away from that! (did he bring a pewter pendant back from Malaysia? I NEARLY gave him a mug!! a pewter beer mug!) Can you tell us his reactions to the stuff that the kids have picked up over the last 6 months? that should be fun!

  12. omg you are too funny Lisa i love your blog it is very entrtaining and i agree with Hanna about Monte being great but being at a disadvantage because he is a man. i am also pretty sure that after reading this he will consider checking his coffee before drinking it just to be sure you haven't spiked for some reason he isn't aware of. keep the post coming your a great writer.

    PS while you have Monte checking under the sofa for your pre-pregnancy body can he also check for my teenage one it's been missing for years now.

  13. Love this! And I have a nice story I would love to share with you(hope you do get this), at one of The Glamnation tour shows, your husband shared a very random act of kindness with us that we will "never" forget! I have been ill for a few years and recently have been told I may have a Sister Mary Joseph nodule (fatal cancer) along with other things including losing my entire colon and four spine surgeries, anyways now the good stuff. It is my wish to witness my daughter meeting Adam Lambert and have his signature on a jacket my daughter always wears to the shows, we haven't met Adam yet but, your very kind (always kind and class act)husband took my daughters jacket (we handed to Monte over the fence) on Adam's bus and got it signed for us and brought it back to us by the "fence". I have always wanted to share this with you and hope this gets to you! I love this memory and wanted you to know Monte's not only rocking the guitar when he's away, he is providing dreams for his fans (we are now huge Monte Pittman fans, wow, he can play that guitar)! My daughter and I had the best night ever driving home after having her jacket handled in such a tasteful manner! Monte's random act of kindness brought us much joy to a very difficult year! Also, I raised 3 amazingly successful children all by myself, I have been a single mother for 19 years, Mothers are the backbone to every family and you will do an amazing job (I love your story here), I can tell you're strong and have humor (you'll need humor for the mothering journey) Take Care, you and your family are beautiful!

  14. Lisa, Thanks for your funny insightful blog...You sure have Monte's number! Tears are running down my cheeks at the glitter, skinny jeans and boots part. Sound like someone we all know and love?- besides Monte that is. You are doing a great job of keeping as they say, the homes fires burning.. Monte is very lucky to have you and I think he knows that. We miss him too but when he's NOT on tour. Keep up the blog..we love hearing from you.

  15. OOOhhh, Lisa!! You are great! I laughed me a** off! You are good for my soul! I have to say, I'm with Monte on the boots thing... I buy them for ANY reason, so I support him on that.
    You both have such a good attitude about your world(s) and I love the peeks into your life. May you live long and LOUD!
    Hugs & Kisses to you ALL!

  16. *brb, sending ginger tea and a set of plaid coffee mugs* KIDDING!! i LOVE your blog, so entertaining!!

  17. It is lovely to hear about Monte the family man and you are such a talented writer who captures it all so well and with such humour. I saw Monte performing with Adam on 4 Continents this year but never got to meet him unfortunately. I really admire you coping as you do when he is away - it would be beyond my capabilities I know. Enjoy your precious time together.

  18. "spike the coffee w/ cat pee" best.line.ever.

    keep on scribblin' ... 'ya got a voice, and it's a good one.

  19. I keep saying it, Lisa..
    You gotta a great book going here...

    Hugs from chilly San Fran Bay Area..

    (PS. Happy belated 6 months birthday to A & B!)

  20. A friend turned me on to your blog. You are absolutely hilarious. I enjoy your posts and love the line about cat pee in this one. :)

  21. Lisa, I absolutely love your writing style! You are a writer I want to be when I grow up!
    I loved a comment from June about an e-bay account - your girls can make a fortune from Monte household pre-owned coffee mugs! LOL!!

  22. Thank you for the nice comments, they mean so much to me! :)