Sunday, January 9, 2011

I love you toe, toe, toe, toe much

The worst thing that the babies can do to me, is to wake up at the same time in the middle of the night. Yes, I have two boobs, but no, the babies are no longer capable of using them both at once without attacking one another with their claws... which defeats the whole purpose of tandem nursing to sleep because they wake each other up every time. It's so awesome! No, not really. So, normally, they wake up about every 2-4 hours through the night. It's not really "waking up", more like rooting for a boob, which will ensure they don't completely wake up, then it takes anywhere from 10 min. to an hour to get them back down to a deep sleep. Yay! I basically spend the whole night hopping from one side of the bed to the other, nursing whoever needs it. It works out fine, as long as they don't wake together. That's when I seriously consider crying, but who's got energy for that?

Sometimes one will wake up, I start to nurse that one back down, they're almost out, then the other one wakes up and starts grunting and looking for me. Crap. He or she soon realizes that mommy isn't around, then quickly progresses to crying out for me, while I helplessly watch in silence, desperately hoping they'll miraculously fall back to sleep. The other night, it happened to be Mr. Atticus. I almost had Beatrix to sleep, and he got so mad that he started thrashing around the bed looking for me. He began to cry loudly, so I made an executive decision. I wondered how quickly I could scoop him up and get him into the crib in the office down the hall, so that I could at least get Bea back to sleep in silence? I de-latched Bea, grabbed Atticus, and ran down the hall. There was a doorway jumper in the doorway blocking my path- could I shove it aside and run past it? YES! But, that convenience didn't cross my mind at the time. With one hand, I quickly removed it from the top of the door and threw it aside, resulting in a loud crash. Oops. I continue on, setting Atticus in the crib, then... a loud 'THUD!" comes from the room down the hall, then, a deep moaning sound. The sound of my hero getting tangled in his blankets, and falling out of bed en route to rescue us all from the scary, loud crash. I needed to get back to Beatrix if I wanted to get her back to sleep in this small window of time... but I should probably go check on Monte. I popped my head in the door, and there he was lying on the floor. Aw, poor guy, he must've hit his knee again, I thought. He is ALWAYS hitting his knee on everything and it is not unusual for him to curl up in the fetal position on the floor after doing so.

I had to get back to Beatrix, but I felt obligated to ask him, "Are you okay?", his response was a series of moans. Men are such babies. But, really, how many more times was he going to bust that knee and roll around on the floor in pain? At this point poor Atticus was screaming in the crib, and if I could just get Bea back to sleep, I could work on him. But, it was too late, when I got back to the room, she was sitting up in the bed, wide-eyed and looking around the room, and as soon as she saw me, she started to cry. At this point I had two crying infants, and a husband who was STILL lying on the floor of the kids room down the hall, moaning and groaning. I picked up Beatrix, then went to get Atticus. I carried the crying babies down the hall to check on daddy. He was still on the floor. Really? He's still on the floor? "I think I broke my toe", he manages to groan. You have got to be kidding me. How dramatic can the guy be? Sheesh. "Do you need some ice or something?" I ask loudly over the babies cries. He responds with a moan, so I decide to walk around the house with the babies until they calm down, then I can deal with my other child, Mr. Whiney Pants, who I could now hear sliding down the hall on his butt.

Once the babies are calm enough, I set them on the rug in the living room to play. It's 3AM, not the ideal time for a playdate, but it'll do. I find Monte now in the bathroom, on the floor. Okay, now I see that there's blood everywhere- and, excuse me but, it's getting all over the white rug that just washed and- er... okay now I feel kind of bad because he looks like he's in pain... and it's swelling up a lot. He says "I think I need to go to the ER." Oh, really? "Okay, but you have to drive yourself." I say. There's no way I'm loading up 4 kids in the car at 3am, on a school night/day, no less, to take him to the ER for a busted toe. No way. The babies start fussing, so I go back to tend to them. Meanwhile, Monte hobbles into the bedroom to find clothes and a shoe for his working foot. He throws on an Adidas jumpsuit and a scarf. What a sight to see, he was- bloody toes, hopping on one foot- how did this happen again??

He somehow makes it out the door, and drives himself to the ER with his left foot. He later tells me how he felt like he was in the scene from Halloween 2 in the parking lot, as he tried to get from the car to the ER entrance. He hopped from car to car, clutching his now blood-covered foot in a wad of Starbucks napkins that he found in our car. He could see the entrance, and just beyond was the little check-in window with a nurse inside. He hopped with all his might, but couldn't quite make it in one go. As he sat, out of breath on the curb outside, not 20 feet from the entrance, a good samaritan exiting the ER offered to help get him in a wheelchair, and in he went, where he was told to take a seat and wait. For a moment he was glad that he might finally have a quiet minute or two to play Angry Birds, but he was in too much pain to concentrate on it. There weren't many people before him, but it seemed everybody was being let in before him because it was "just a toe." But, it turned out that his toe was busted real good. He broke his big toe-bone completely in half, and jammed his nail down and the cuticle skin with it. It's really gross, and apparently very painful. So, now, he's basically bedridden, on crutches, and I've gained a 5th child.

23 comments:

  1. Poor Monte and you as usual the supermom. I salute to all mommies that can take care all their kids, in your case hubby as well at one go.

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  2. SUPER MOM!!!! You need to save all of these and write a book! Seriously! BTW, how's Monte?

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  3. Oh poor Monte! I have done that middle of the night trip to the ER all alone, and it sucked, but at least I could walk. And I broke my collar bone when I was a kid, so I know how painful broken bones are.

    I do not know what it's like to manage nursing twins on conflicting feeding/sleeping schedules, so I can only imagine how difficult that is.

    I wish you both peaceful and pain-free nights from here on out. :)

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  4. Absolutely hilarious the way you described it all. I was out loud laughing. :)

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  5. Wow! Poor Monte! Also, I saw your tweet about him dropping a highchair on that same toe tonight. Ugh. Here's hoping he heels quickly!

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  6. Your posts are great & I enjoy reading them! I do hope your "5th child" heals quickly and is feeling better soon.

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  7. this is sad and hilarious. Hope Monte heals soon. You really should write a book when and if things ever settle down. Can't imagine nursing twins, especially when my daughter Presley thought I was her very own human pacifier. My thoughts are with you caring for all 5 of your children now.

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  8. I would laugh but I've been 'Monte' in this situation. In my case while I was writhing around on the floor I got, 'Does this mean I have to cook dinner?'

    It's funny now. Not so much right at that moment.

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  9. Wow, his toe looks bad, I am sure it was painful as I broke my little toe when I was a teen. I didnt get much sympathy as they dont usually do anything for toes.

    I love reading your blog Lisa, and the background is very attractive.

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  10. When things go bad... 5 children in the house now. when Atticus and Bea are a bit older, you shoudl tell them the story about how they were involved in daddy breaking his toe. :)

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  11. You write so well and I salute your humour and sense of positiveness in what must be a stressful time in your life with FOUR kids - yikes!

    You have to know that Monte's toe - while providing such an entertaining episode, must be hurting like a son-of-a-b! And it will continue to do so for a very long time. He'll likely lose the nail too. My husband had a similar accident (and I did laugh) and couldn't wear closed shoes for many weeks. It took a year before the nail grew back. I'm ashamed to admit that I had many good laughs at his expense, while watching him limp around in a sandal in the depth of winter snow. Huh, I thought, lucky that guys don't have to give birth!

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  12. Super mom to the rescue and i love the new nickname "Mr. Whiney Pants" very rockstar. however in Monte's defense that does look really painful OUCH! Hope he feels better soon and i hope you get to have a break soon as well get to to rest.hugs.

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  13. Okay, you win. That tops any of my stories. Well, there was that time I was chasing the cat off the counter while holding a baby, then tripped and flew across the room, rolling sideways to protect the infant as we fell... Nope, you still win (or lose, I guess).

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  14. Poor Monte! No more throwing things in the middle of the night Lisa. Lol. I broken toe can really cramp your style.

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  15. At this point I had two crying infants, and a husband who was STILL lying on the floor of the kids room down the hall, moaning and groaning.

    I'm a really mean person, because I laughed out loud at this.

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  16. Poor Lisa, I feel for you girl! It just so happens that I'm a back office MA with 7 years experience with infant care & 4 years in dermatology & podiatry so ring me if you ever need help in a pinch! I live in the LA area and late night is the only time there is NO traffic! ~_~ LOL

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  17. Lisa you are a super mom. There is no other way to put it. Love Monte, but you are the hero in all of this. I give you kudos for your patience, creativity and energy.

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  18. Oh poor Monte.poor Lisa.omg Your family is indeed a sitcom.and a damn funny one at that..
    let me start of by Laughing my butt off that monte with broke toe was playing angry birds.this cracked me up.that game is so addicting i could be in cardiac arrest and i still be trying to play angry birds.
    2nd visual ..is sadder envisioning Monte dragging his butt down the hall way.oh my ...
    then i started laughing again envision Monte in a jogging suit and a scarf * MOST LIKELY PLAID*
    and next being poor Lisa how ever do you manage to be the ring leader to the 3 ring circle...
    What a life at the Pittman Sitcom
    Buahwwhhaahhaha

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  19. i love your blog!

    I can so understand yr first reaction, cause men can be such babies when it comes to pain. Although it was real painfull this time, poor Monte hope his toe will be better soon! Your babies will grow up fast, so keep it up girl, in a couple of years you will laugh about it :D

    and indeed you should write a book, it will be a bestseller!

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  20. You never fail to amaze me! Poor old Monte - that sounds very painful. I have broken 7 toes but the worst one was when I jumped into the car to move it. I was barefoot and slammed the car door shut trapping my little toe. I thought I had cut it off. It still aches from time to time and that was years ago. Get well soon Monte and Lisa - you are my heroine!

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  21. Too, too funny - I nearly pee'd my pants laughing as I was reading this- in a totally sympathetic, "I feel your pain," kind of way, of course. I have given birth to three children (all boys), married my 4th, and have adopted two cats and two parakeets (that one of the cats stalks and tortures by jumping on top of their cage and trying to bat at them with her paw!)
    I am older and further along in the parenting trenches than you and reading this entry brought back soooo many memories from when the kids were little (6, 3 and newborn) and my husband had been rendered basically disabled from a back injury and unsuccessful surgery. He held work-related meetings in my living room all day long while I played single parent and nursemaid. My boys are 18, 15 and 12 now and some of my favorite memories are from that crazy, stressful time. Keep writing these stories down for your readers to enjoy, but more importantly, for you to have when your babies are little no longer. I know you have been told that "they are little for such a short time" and that "they grow up so fast"........ and it really is true. You will feel like you blinked and they will be in school and playing sports and....... well anyway, your blog is a great way to record your memories. Thanks for sharing.

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  22. Wow! What a story! You habe to roll with the punches because they just keep coming. I hope Monte feels better soon.

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  23. I really enjoy reading your blog. :)

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